


Every minute from this minute now

by Kajmere



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain America: The First Avenger, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, talking about feeling is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajmere/pseuds/Kajmere
Summary: Peggy couldn't help but smile. “Luckily for us, I am a terrific problem-solver.”





	Every minute from this minute now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alby_mangroves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alby_mangroves/gifts).



> Secret Santa gift for [alby_mangroves](http://archiveofourown.org/users/alby_mangroves), one of my fav partners in crime. I hope we delivered on at least a couple of your wishlist requests with this one. <3
> 
> Thank you to Roe & Darry for making this readable.

 

_“Imagine the time when the war is over and we are living together... would it not be better to live on from now on the memory of our life together when it was at its most golden pitch.”_  
[\- February 1st, 1941 K . C. ](http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-38932955)

 

They stood at attention in front of Peggy Carter, waiting, although Steve wasn’t sure for what.

Bucky cleared his throat after a few moments of silence, which earned him a look that Steve had been on the receiving end a few well-deserved occasions, but she said nothing, and went back to reading the file in her hand.

They hadn't done anything wrong, so why was he feeling uneasy?

Sure, their last mission hadn't gone exactly as planned, and they probably pissed off a few people higher up the chain, but Peggy had always had their backs. She knew how it could get out in the field.

Steve gnawed on the inside of his lip while Bucky lightly bounced on the balls of his feet as they both continued to wait.

After another painstakingly silent minute, Bucky spoke up. “Ma’am, Captain Rogers and I did what we could with the intel we were given in the briefing.”

Peggy nodded. “Indeed. This, however isn't about the mission; I’ve already taken care of the blowback from that. This is about the _two of you._ ”

She got to her feet, and leaned her hands on her desk, her eyes flicking back and forth between them. “Whatever is going on here, it needs to end. I need both of your heads in this war if we’re going to have any chance in hell of winning it.”

Bucky hummed, and Steve risked looking at him, wondering if he was agreeing, or simply acknowledging, but his face gave nothing away.

“Is that everything, Agent Carter?” Bucky asked.

She gave him a considering look, then nodded, dismissing them both, and Bucky turned on his heels and walked out.

“Peggy,” Steve started, not quite knowing what he was going to say, but Peggy cut him off with a soft smile. “I'll see you later, Steve. I have to get these reports done.”

“Yeah, okay, sure. I’ll see you later,” Steve said, and left her office, not expecting to find Bucky waiting for him, but he was still disappointed when he wasn’t there.

Steve made his way back to his quarters and tried to distract himself from the panic he felt growing in the pit of his stomach.

 _What the hell was the point of that?_ Steve wondered.

Peggy had created more questions than answers, for Steve anyway. There was definitely _something_ weird going on, and for some reason, he was the epicenter. Peggy had never brushed him off so effortlessly and without explanation before.

Bucky, on the other hand, hadn't talked to Steve in weeks, not since those first few days after Steve had pulled him out of that base. Now they just exchanged simple pleasantries around their team, or in tactical meetings and mission briefings. But every time they found each other alone for more than five seconds, Bucky would find an excuse to get as far away from Steve as possible.

In the beginning, Steve wanted to grab Bucky by his collar and shake him, demand to know what he’d done to warrant this sort of behavior, but he kept finding excuses not to, because like all of them, Bucky had been through a lot.

As much as Steve wanted that explanation, it was selfish to think that just because he was with Bucky again that things would be the same as they had been back home.

The world was quite literally falling apart around them, so he’d decided that he’d throw all his energy into trying to put it back together instead of trying to fix whatever was broken between them.

That was until that night when Steve had caught Bucky staring at him from across the bar while he and Peggy talked, and the look Bucky had given him was the look Steve desperately missed. Fondness and adoration, like Bucky’s entire world revolved around him.

But there was a hint of… something else there too.

Sadness, defeat. Or at least that’s what Steve had thought at first; it could have been nothing more than the whiskey Bucky had consumed, but Steve had excused himself from Peggy’s company to find out for himself. He weaved his way through the crowd, only to find Bucky had disappeared on him, _again_.

When he had pushed open the pub doors in frustrated rage Steve had found Bucky leaning up against the wall, cigarette in his mouth, about to light up.

Bucky had taken a long drag, then smiled that same smile again, and told Steve he was a bit drunker than he thought, he had needed some fresh air. Steve had quipped that he wasn't exactly getting fresh air with that stick hanging out of his mouth, and Bucky had barked out a laugh and said, “Yeah, pal, because cigarettes are going to be the thing that kills me.”

God, he missed that laugh.

He missed _Bucky_ , and for a moment Steve had thought everything had been in his head, that Bucky and he would be ok. But when he’d stepped in closer, Bucky went stiff as a board and told Steve in a quiet voice that _it couldn't be that way anymore_.

Then he’d pushed off the wall and left Steve in his wake.

Steve wanted to chase after Bucky, to ask what he’d meant. But instead all Steve could do was laugh, because the whole thing was fucking absurd. They’d been in love since before Steve could remember.

What could have possibly changed?

That was when Steve realized where they’d gone wrong. He’d gone and let himself be turned into something he thought was great, something that would help him finally do the things he’s always wanted to do, without being questioned whether he could, or if he should. No one would bat an eye at someone who looked like him, doing the things he’s doing now; sticking up for the little guy, punching bullies in the face.

Well, except Bucky.

Steve wasn’t that little punk anymore, no matter how much he felt like he still was.

Bucky clearly wanted _that_ Steve back, the one he’d left back home, the one he’d fought tooth and nail for to ensure Steve didn’t end up on the front line, and Steve had no idea how they’d ever get back there.

________________

Peggy knocked lightly, then let herself into the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Hello, Steve,” she greeted, turning the key in the lock then looking over to him.

She'd fully expected him to still be brooding, and was pleasantly surprised when he took something from his pocket and offered it to her with a shy smile.

“Chocolate?” She took the small ration and began unwrapping it. “You know how to spoil a girl.”

That shy smile again, and Steve mumbled, “I'm sorry it's not more.”

“Don't be silly.” She popped the small square of chocolate into her mouth. It was certainly a welcome change, and she sighed happily at the warm, bitter taste of it.

Steve went back to his bed and sat, and Peggy followed him.

She took off her dress jacket. At least it was warm tonight, thanks to the rain.

“So,” she said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

She left a little space between them, as she honestly wasn't sure what sort of mood Steve was in.

“I'm sorry about before,” Steve said, looking down at his hands. He fiddled with his shirt cuff.

“Well,” Peggy exhaled. “Live and learn. Don't do it again.”

“No, I...” Steve paused, brows drawing together in a furrow. “I mean...”

“Sergeant Barnes?” she guessed.

Steve stiffened slightly, and his pause was telling.

“He's avoiding you,” she went on, when it became clear Steve needed prompting.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “He'll talk to everyone else, but not me.”

“Steve,” Peggy said gently, “I think he does want to talk to you. I catch him looking at you all the time, he's very aware of you. But clearly something is holding him back.”

Steve seemed to tense even more, his huge shoulders rising minutely.

Yep, Peggy was on the right track.

“He means a lot to you,” she said.

That much was obvious.

“He's my family.” Steve sounded a little defensive.

Peggy didn't want that. So she tried again. “Yes, Steve, I understand. But there's a little more to it, isn't there?”

Steve looked at her then, bright blue eyes showing surprise and fear.

Oh, poor thing, she thought.

“What I mean is,” she ventured with a smile, “I could cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife.”

Steve paled, but before Steve got the wrong idea, Peggy leaned in and tilted her head invitingly.

“That is, if you want me to? Or would you prefer I mind my own business?”

Steve's look of mild horror slowly morphed into one of confusion.

“I... don't understand?”

“Steve,” she said flatly. “I'm very perceptive. I've noticed. Clearly he means a lot to you, and you to him.”

And now Steve looked sad again. “Yeah, but I don't think... Things are different now.”

“Well, of course they are,” she huffed lightly. “You have a brand new body.”

The blush that spread across Steve's cheeks was telling, and also very attractive. Steve was pretty when he blushed like that.

Peggy smiled fondly, and toed off her shoes. “Why don't you tell me about him?”

“What?” Steve stared at her as she climbed up the bed, settled back against the headboard.

“Tell me all about him,” she repeated, and patted the space next to her. “I'm interested.”

Steve swallowed visibly. “Won’t something like this cause problems?”

Peggy couldn't help but smile. “Luckily for us, I am a terrific problem-solver.” She patted the bed again. “Now come on, and we'll straighten this out.”

“Okay. What do you want to know?” Steve settled in beside her. Peggy encouraged him to lean against her, Steve was hot as a furnace so she was more than warm. She settled down into the pillows and stroked her fingers through his hair.

“Everything, and don’t spare the details.”

Steve sighed lightly against her. “I'd do anything for him, and him for me.”

“I know, Steve. Tell me how it started?”

And Steve started to talk, haltingly at first, but as Peggy listened and encouraged him gently to go on, he went into more detail.

Peggy had suspected there was something between them, especially from all the wanton glances when they both thought the other wasn't looking. And maybe under more normal circumstances she would have felt jealous; here she was, in a fledgling relationship with a really decent man, and then along comes an old flame.

Peggy _should_ feel jealous, but after seeing the lengths Steve was willing to go to for Sergeant Barnes, she understood that whatever was between them was a pretty big deal, and she could either ignore it, fight it, or…

Embrace it.

And, after all, there was a war on. Any one of them could die tomorrow.

That sort of looming threat did strange things to Peggy's outlook on life. Like many people, she'd stopped being so cautious, and was willing to reach out with both hands and hold onto whatever good there was left.

She wanted to embrace this, embrace _them_ , and maybe, just _maybe_ they'd all get through this and have something wonderful to look back on when it was all over.

Peggy shifted on the bed, pressing herself closer to Steve. He had stopped talking some time ago, going soft and quiet against her as she continued to stroke his hair.

She kissed the side of his head, and he shifted too, moving onto his side and smiling at her.

“I thought you'd never want to speak to me again,” he admitted.

“On the contrary,” Peggy murmured, brushing her lips over his, “I'm very interested.”

She could almost hear his brain turning that over, the way he stilled and then pulled back to look at her.

“Why?”

“Steve,” she grinned, “you're both good men, I like the both of you, and I'd hate to think Barnes is feeling pushed out because of me.”

“Oh, no he isn't,” Steve hurried to say. “He said he was happy for me.”

“I'm sure he is,” Peggy agreed. “On the surface. But that doesn't mean he's still not feeling pushed aside.”

Steve frowned sadly. “I don’t think this has anything to do with you.”

“You know what would be good?” She said, cupping his face with her hand. “Is if you talk to him. _Really_ talk to him.”

“But he doesn't want to,” Steve insisted. “He keeps avoiding me.”

“And you keep letting him,” Peggy pointed out. “We have another two days stationed here, at least. If you don't talk to him before then, I will.”

Steve blinked at her and laughed in surprise. “He'd run a mile if he knew that you know about us.”

“You didn't run a mile. And I can handle Barnes.”

________________

Steve heard their footsteps on the stairs, and was facing the bed when Peggy opened the door.

“Here we are, Sergeant,” she said, as Steve turned to see her ushering Bucky into the room.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Steve, but Peggy was already closing the door on them.

“Good luck,” she said softly, before shutting and locking it after her.

Bucky exhaled with a laugh, a sort of broken sound. “Wow,” he said hoarsely. “You have a errand runner now?”

“Buck....” Steve came closer, but Bucky edged away from him like he'd been doing every time Steve got within reaching distance. “I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Well, you got a captive audience now,” Bucky retorted. “What's so important?”

Steve wanted to get this right, to not fuck it up. He inhaled steadily. “I wanted to clear the air, I guess. You've been avoiding me, and I thought maybe...” He swallowed, hard. “Maybe it was selfish of me to expect you to stay here.”

Bucky shot him a look, eyes dark and unreadable. “That what you want? Me to get out of your hair?”

“What? No.” Steve’s heart thudded, worried he was getting this wrong. “That’s not what I’m saying…” He ran his fingers through his hair, “Okay, yes, that’s what I’m saying, but not because I want you to go. God, Buck, you’ve already done so much, you deserve some rest, to be home with your family instead of hanging around here babysitting me.”

“Babysitting?” Bucky scowled. “You think that's why I'm here?”

Steve shrugged, looking down at the floor. “I know it's not always been easy looking out for me. I'd just like to be able to return the favor, Buck. Figure I owe you more than one, all the times you took care of me.”

Bucky's mouth dropped open, but instead of speaking he merely grunted and went to sit on the edge of the bed. He rubbed a hand over his face tiredly.

“What do you want, Steve? You want me to leave?”

“No,” Steve said honestly. “But I don't want you to keep avoiding me either.”

“I'm not.”

“You are.”

Bucky muttered something in reply, and even with Steve's enhanced hearing he could just make it out.

“I know I'm a punk,” Steve said fondly. “Now will you please talk to me?”

He came around to the bed, sat as close to Bucky as he dared. He longed to reach out, touch his hand, his face. But he didn't dare, not yet.

Bucky was focused on a spot on the floor, frowning at it instead of Steve.

“What do you want to talk about?” he whispered.

“You, me, _us_.” Steve whispered back. “Something is bothering you, and you’ve never had a problem with calling me out on my shit before, so I figured I’ve somehow _really_ fucked up.”

Bucky shook his head, and forced a smile. “We’re good.”

“Buck, I’m trying to be serious.”

Bucky bit his lip. His eyes darted to the side, shiny now. “I told you, Steve, it can’t be the way it was, and I meant it.”

Steve felt like he’d been punched in the gut, it didn’t matter how many times Bucky said it, it still fucking hurt. “Is it because of the way I look now?” he asked.

Bucky laughed in surprise. “No. Steve, no. Jesus.”

“I thought... maybe you didn't like that I was different?”

Bucky looked at him quickly, a blush starting to color his cheeks. “No, Steve. It's not that. I mean, shit. You’ve never been hard on the eyes, even now. Took some getting used to is all.”

Steve ducked his head and smiled. That was a weird kind of relief, but that meant there was another reason, and he wasn't sure if it would be better or worse than what he had thought. “What’s changed then, why can't we be together? I’m okay with whatever it is Buck, I swear. I just need to know.”

Bucky shook his head slightly and Steve could tell he was trying to find the right words. “When I see you with her, Peggy, and the way she makes you smile, I know it’s something special, and all I think is finally, _finally_ someone else looks at you the way I have for years. And how could I be that guy to deny you that happiness. It ain't fair.”

Steve moved a little closer, daring to press against Bucky, arms just touching. “But Peggy, she... She's okay with it, with us.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped up and gave Steve a look. “Tell me you didn't say anything to her?”

“I swear I didn’t,” Steve insisted. “She figured it out herself. She’s smart as a whip, if you haven’t noticed. Said we can make things work, all of us, if that’s something you'd...” He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky groaned. “You can't go around letting people know. That’ll land us all in a heap of hot water, and ruin any chance you have at a normal life.”

“Bucky, my life is _you_ ,” Steve told him.

“Steve...” Bucky got up, ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it up.

Any moment now he'd start pacing, Steve thought, and start trying to explain to him how wrong he was.

Steve steeled himself, and rose from the bed. “Listen. Peggy knows how much you mean to me. She was there Buck, when I found out you might still be alive out there somewhere. She didn’t bat an eye when I went rogue to find you, and she wouldn’t bat an eye now if I said I choose you. She’d understand.” Steve paused and caught Bucky’s eye, pleading. “But, I really don’t want to have to choose.”

Bucky visibly deflated in front of Steve, resigning himself to whatever decision he was trying to come to. Steve had been here a hundred times, if not more, he didn’t win them all, but he always did his best to make sure he’d laid all his cards out before Bucky.

He wanted to win this one though, more than anything. He didn’t want to lose Bucky.

God, the thought made him want to drop to his knees and beg.

Bucky was silent for a moment, staring at Steve's chest as Steve watched him with careful eyes, wondering what he was thinking. He didn’t dare say another word… not yet.

Then he spoke, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. “I don’t want you to have to choose either.”

Steve let out a breath he didn’t think he’d been holding and bravely stepped closer. “Can I...?” He opened his arms, still a little unsure of his welcome. “I’ve missed you so much, Bucky.”

Bucky made a noise, a pained little sound before he stepped into Steve's arms. He looked up, briefly meeting Steve's eyes before turning his head to Steve's shoulder. Steve breathed out in relief, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Bucky, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.  
Steve heard Bucky's heart beating too, felt the pulse point at his throat as he turned his head in and pressed his lips to Bucky's skin.

Bucky whispered softly, hands clenching in Steve's jacket. “Are we really doing this?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think we are.”

____________

Bucky’s eyes drifted closed at some point, and he had no idea how long they stood there in the middle of Steve’s room wrapped around each other. Steve paid homage to Bucky’s neck, sucking and licking and biting at it as though his life depended on it.

Jesus, he’d missed this so much.

Bucky had had a taste of torture, but he’d gladly take being poked and prodded again and again over the ache he’d felt in his heart for the past weeks. He was such a fucking idiot to think he could ever give up Steve completely.

Steve shifted, and Bucky thought he was about to break their embrace, and he wasn't ready, not just yet. “Don't let go,” he said.

Steve squeezed him tight again.

“Not on your life,” he said, low into Bucky’s ear.

He hummed in approval and clutched Steve closer as Steve paid extra attention to the lobe of his ear, nipping playfully. Bucky was so gone on this moment he almost didn’t hear the soft click of the door closing. He opened his eyes a fraction to see Peggy standing there, leaning against the door, a foot in her hand pulling off one of her heels, the index finger of her other hand to her lips telling Bucky without words, not to interrupt Steve.

He couldn’t help smiling at her. This was really happening, they were really going to try and make this work. Bucky always knew he’d give Steve anything, but never in a million years did he think this would be the thing Steve would want. It scared Bucky down to his core, but it thrilled him just the same - the possibility of opening himself up to someone who loved Steve just as much as he did.

He watched Peggy watching them, and felt a weird sensation bloom in his body.

She really was okay with Steve and him like this, if the expression on her face was any indication. Her eyes were lust-filled, and that sensation flared in Bucky tenfold.

Peggy’s arrival didn’t even register on Steve’s radar as Steve moved to the other side of Bucky’s neck, not breaking his stride. Bucky shifted willingly, but he didn’t take his eyes off Peggy. She looked genuinely happy for them, content to just be there watching their reunion.

“You taste so sweet, Buck, I can’t believe I can do this now without standing on my tiptoes.”

Bucky couldn’t help the huff of laugher, even though he knew it would probably break the mood. “I bet there are a helluva a lot of things you could do to me now, that you couldn’t before.” He broke the embrace and nodded in Peggy’s direction in greeting.

“Peggy,” Bucky said in greeting, and Steve’s head snapped up.

“Peg, hi.”

She smirked at them and said, “I see the talk went well.”

Steve ducked his head back into the crook of Bucky’s neck. “You could have told me we had an audience, Buck.”

“Pal, where’s the fun in that? Plus, this whole thing was your idea.”

“Mine, actually.” Peggy said, stepping towards them, “You’re okay with my proposition?” she asked, catching Bucky’s eye.

Bucky made space between Steve and him, thinking there were worse things that could happen to him than sharing his best guy with his guy’s best girl.

“Yeah, sweetheart, come here.” He stretched out one of his hands.

Her smile was wicked and beautiful as she reached out and laced her fingers with Bucky’s, letting him pull her in close. Bucky doesn’t think Steve realized just how much trouble the two of them were in for.

“Now,” Peggy said, reaching up to press her lips to Steve’s cheek, then Bucky’s. “Do us all a favor dear, and demonstrate all those things Barnes here thinks you’re now capable of.”


End file.
